I used to treat love like a sport…
As I look back on where I came from I realize this now.
How many phone numbers I could collect..or phone calls I could generate..or people I could coax into saying those three scary little words, before I did. I used to think that this is what it was all about.
One day I woke up…I looked at my life and I realized that EVERY single thing that I had been taught about the subject was completely WRONG. I learned about love from watching other people, my family of course..(who I would need an entirely separate blog to describe.) On this day when I came to this realization, my entire viewpoint of love, of everything..shifted a full 180 degrees.
Back then love meant to me…quantity, availability..doing the things that I told you to do to make me happy..because I thought that someone else actually could. I was so silly back then.
Today Love..to me means so much more.
Love means to me, not searching for someone ELSE to make me happy, but finding that happiness within myself…first..and then allowing the person that complements me into my life to share it with me. Not two or three or five to ring my phone, and literally drive me crazy..it’s funny when you get what you want, or what you ask for..lol. Love to me now is quiet..simple..enjoyment of the finer and sometimes not so fine qualities that make me, well..me and appreciating the same in another. Having a companion to travel with down this crazy unpredictable road that we call life. Someone to laugh with..to cry with..to misunderstand..and then come to an understanding with… helping us both to grow and become better people for knowing each other. Its opening up one’s self to those dark and scary rooms that we all have within..that no body wants to really even admit are there..allowing the other person to do the same and loving us both..anyway..despite what is hidden behind those spooky walls.
Honoring myself, my wants, needs, desires, and meshing that with those of another (this is the tricky part) and making it all work. Its not simply about walking away when the times get tough, because these times I now understand are the times when exponential growth occurs inside of us. Its not all roses and daisy sunshine. Its Real. Its gritty at times, painful.
These are the things that the television shows and the couple next door who appear to be so perfect on the outside don’t tell you as they smile happily in public and retire miserably to separate rooms when they enter their homes for the night. If you want to know about Love, ask the older folks who have been through the Fire for years until they could let go of their own egos and issues and finally surrender to the realness of it all..who came out of that Fire..polished and clean on the other side.
Love to me today is about being 100% authentic, even when someone else disagrees. It may seem contradictory, but no real problem can be solved or overcome, if no one ever says what it really…IS.
We are all put here with our own viewpoints and perspective on the world and it is indeed a challenge. But that my friend..is the entire point. To be able to bring yourself into harmony..as YOURSELF with another and still remain yourself while not being threatened by the actuality of who they are..this..is Love.
I used to think it was all a fairy tale thing, perfect this..perfect that. It’s not.
Actually to be completely honest if it were perfect, then it probably just wouldn’t be any fun at all, because there would be no growth, no new learning, no insights. The benefit of all this contrast is that eventually you come to know yourself in a way that you otherwise would not have been able to, but for the one you Love. You learn your strengths, your weaknesses, your hidden pain..your crazy programmed behaviors..right along with theirs..and you ADAPT..you stretch..you GROW.
Love is more than just a feeling..if you pay close attention you will find that it is the ULTIMATE teacher..and while it may not feel so good while you are going through those renewing Fires..it sure feels damn good to come out better…clean…and polished..on the other side.
To those of you who have come into my life and inspired me..to be a better me..by being as you..as you can be..I thank you.